Little Thoughts.

Every time I think I can pull myself up & start the process of letting you go… You come running, you’re here, don’t get me wrong I love it. But I cant keep starting the process over cause one day I won’t be able to accept you in my life as even my friend & that thought alone scares me to death.

dreamerwithoutananchor:

I gave in because I’d always thought you were the kind of guy who never gave up.

I did the walk of shame this morning. I didn’t really mind though because I’m the back of my mind I knew it was going to happen. I could careless because I had a good time.

I’m probably making a mistake… But it feels so good. Yolo

hahahahana:

but letting go is the hardest part.

Tonight I’m going out with some girlfriends instead of coming over to see you & possibly get disappointed. It seems silly but I’m proud of myself cause I could have easily said no I have plans to them but I told YOU nvm & I’m going to have some girlie time with some new friends! Although you have promptly invited me to stop by afterwards I’m not sure how I’m supposed to take that & depending on how the night goes ill see if I will. I love you so much but I don’t want to push you away. I really hope we go hiking in the am because I think it would be fun & good way to comfortably talk as friends grow our relationship more which is what we are supposed to be doing I thought. I miss you so dearly & last night I broke down but I feel like I’m so alone in this & it sucks. Maybe you just have more strength than me or you simply just don’t care I’m not sure because when we talked last it was all so rushed and confusing. I love you & always will in some way but if I get played like a game piece than I won’t love you the way I do now & that scares me so unbelievably much!! We’ll see what the night turns into & how tomorrow goes down.

Tomorrow starts my awful weekend but at least I’ll be making big money. 24 hours in two days like why not?

phaibooty:

don’t just tell me. Call me, meet up with me, we can catch back up. I’m tired of people telling me, and not doing anything about it.

I ran home from work, showered, curled my hair, did my make up all pretty like, sprayed myself with the perfume you bought me a few christmases ago & topped it off with the valentines day necklace. To be basically ignored, shot down by the end of the night & feeling more stupid than I’ve ever felt before. I think I need to step back for a second here. I’m going to have a glass of water watch friends & sleep. I love you & I’ll keep on fighting until my fingers can’t scratch anymore. As I keep saying, it’ll all be okay I promise. Give it time.